It’s a crime that Slow Motion by Supertramp isn’t available on any of the streaming services. It might even be the Crime of the Century.
Lenovo BIOS simulator: https://download.lenovo.com/bsco/#/
I finally gave in and tried out Caddy. It’s about as great as everyone says it is.
Another minor inconvenience could have been avoided by reading the Arch Linux news feed before upgrading.